Sunday, March 27, 2016

Because you are loved (1)

Insanity: extracting love from others 
God, grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change. from Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Families

For those of us who grew up where addiction/alcoholism/dysfunction was present, the first line of this prayer of serenity offers a hope and recovery from to emotional chaos. We don't speak of sanity as if it was there. The rules were 1. Don't talk about it 2. Don't feel 3. Don't trust. Thus, we speak of clarity. 

Without a resolute and ongoing self-examination, life is an endless exercise in abandonment and desolation, especially if we hope others will give us what is lacking in us: self acceptance and self-love. We learn to reflect and talk about what happened then and how it affects us today. We give words to our feelings and learn to trust. This, without casting blame or judgement, realizing that the adults in charge were not able- they could have done no differently. We see with the eyes of compassion.
It's a wonderful gift to realize that we have choices. Some are toxic to us because they cannot be present to us, having compulsions of their own. It's freedom from trying to pull from others what we can only give ourselves.  We allow ourselves to be loved by God. 

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