...self care is never a selfish act- it is simply good stewardship of the only gift I have, the gift I was put on earth to offer to others. Anytime we can listen to true self and give it the care it requires, we do so not only for ourselves but for the many others whose lives we touch.

Parker J. Palmer, Let Your Life Speak

Wednesday, February 18, 2015

Spiritual progress is usually hidden

But when you give to the poor, don’t let your left hand know what your right hand is doing  so that you may give to the poor in secret. Your Father who sees what you do in secret will reward you. Matt. 6:3-4 CEB

Then those who are righteous will reply to him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you a drink?  When did we see you as a stranger and welcome you, or naked and give you clothes to wear? When did we see you sick or in prison and visit you?’ Matt. 25:37-39 CEB

But wisdom, where can it be found; where is the place of understanding? Humankind doesn’t know its value; it isn’t found in the land of the living. The Deep says, “It’s not with me”; the Sea says, “Not alongside me!” But wisdom, where does she come from? Where is the place of understanding? She’s hidden from the eyes of all the living... God understands her way; he knows her place; for he looks to the ends of the earth and surveys everything beneath the heavens. Job 28: 12-14, 20 ff. CEB


God sees our progress  
Like the inextricable wisdom hidden deep in the earth, our actual growth in wholeness and holiness seems inaccessible at times. Even if you engage in, say journaling, the actual signs of deepening in love can be far away.

I once kept a journal as apart of a D. Min. class. One reason given for keeping a journal is to look back and see what  "progress" has been made. But in this instance, when I read prior posts, what I really saw was not movement, but stuck-ness: it seemed I was repeating the same struggles from month to month.


What is it about transformation of spirit that is so hidden from our  eyes? Remember Jesus' remarkable parable about the seed growing secretly, in hiddenness? (Mark 4:26 ff.) "In secret" is akin to "hidden" in the New Testament.  Could being "rewarded" in secret be something that is actually invisible to us?    
 
A better question might be, why do we need to see our progress? Jesus is describing a mystery organic to the Kingdom. The sphere of God's reign frustrates our best efforts at controlling God's movement of grace, which is at work within us, yet far exceeds anything we can ask or imagine. (Eph. 3:20) Or see.    

All attempts at "measurable results" in the spiritual life are a dead end, or at best, a detour. The ego invests everything in its programs of success, including the tangible results of our spiritual methods. But if Jesus is right, our reward is usually hidden from our eyes, off the excel chart of spiritual production.

Just because we can't make the reward a commodity like everything else doesn't mean that we don't receive it. Like the leaven that is hidden in the dough, God's rule of grace is active in us: it pops and sizzles and transforms us, often in spite of our best attempts at changing ourselves.

The "reward" of less ego is experiencing more of God's abundant love. The Apostle Paul's vision is that our life will culminate in the experience of knowing as we are known by God, loving as we are loved by God: "Now we see a reflection in a mirror; then we will see face-to-face. Now I know partially, but then I will know completely in the same way that I have been completely known." (I Cor. 13:12) That could be considered the true fulfillment of our lives in God.

Give us, loving God, our true reward: more of you, more of your love, peace and grace, both now in the days to come.    
 

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Having been in ordained ministry in the UMC for 34 years, I've experienced the truth that although, clergy are frequently present for others, no one can offer what they don't have.That's why if you're a clergy person, you need someone who will listen to you. Not the random next closest person available, but rather someone like a spiritual director, a therapist, a peer who can be fully present to you. I hope the links and posts you find here will give you ideas, humor, hope and encouragement. Scott Endress

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