Sunday, October 26, 2014

Walking on Egg Shells & Boyhood

Recovery is possible 
A review of Boyhood only touches on what you could call the film's elephant in the room, that of growing up in an alcoholic  or dysfunctional family.

The accurate translation of walking on egg shells, however, is really "don't trust, don't talk, don't feel." If you are an adult child of an alcoholic or a dysfunctional family, find out more about our recovery in the Big Red Book.

Walking on eggshells means that hyper-vigilance becomes our default. We do not say or think or feel anything that we have learned the drunk cannot handle, which is everything. It does no good to "stand up for each other," as the review queries.

The healthiest possibility is to learn to care for ourselves.
Boyhood was truthful in depicting the violence and trauma of trying to live safely or "survive" with the insanity of family alcoholism or dysfunction. But survival is a complete misnomer- in reality, it means sacrificing- not nurturing- our true selves. By telling ourselves the lie that we can assuage or fix the alcoholic, we create a false self, one that is empty at its core, because it's all about people pleasing, and not being present to our true self.   

Yes, the movie well- portrayed family roles in an alcoholic and para-alcoholic family. The non-drinking parent continued to be needed through workaholism and taking care of the alcoholics she chose to marry.

The last scene showed the once young boy, now young man in college, numbing out chemically- a very predictable course for an adult child. I only wish there was a hint of hope, that recovery is possible at any age.  And that applies to the review as well.     

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